I must admit it has left me feeling kind of weird, I cant really put it into words without it making me sound like I was an attention seeking freak but no one is interested in me anymore, I know that the whole giving of a kidney was never about me and i know it sounds selfish but if I am being honest at this stage I feel like an incubator, i know that all of this was my choice and they did warn me during sessions with a councillor that this feeling could possibly happen but I really never thought it would have happened to me, it was a selfless act of kindness so why do i feel like this?
looking around the ward and seeing different race, colour and ages in the same ward makes me question what I have just posted, it also gives me the answers I have been looking for, I have done a good thing and it isn't about me, I have been looked after and the receipient is the main concern, I have changed the life of so many people in one single operation, not just the reeipients life but their family's life as well and the person who was next on the wating list as they have now moved up that was my goal and I acheived it.
I dont feel guilty for having the twang of neglect or being selfish and the need for attention as I feel that this is part of the process that is bringing an end to my journey.
All I have left to remind me of this act of kindness I have done is the 4 scars on my torso, something that I am going to be so proud to explain to people what they are and why I have them.
Until my next blog
Take care
xx
Here is a picture of my scars to date
The 2 scars with the tape that is crossed is where they used the tools to enable keyhole surgery.
the hole at the bottom of the screen is where i had a drain (this was not a pretty site haha)
Mark, this was a great read and very funny at times, Debs felt the same after the op, she was finished with and had done her job and it was all now about me. Just remember YOU have done an amazing thing and you have many friends that will keep reminding you how wonderful you are. Never get down on yourself or feel jealous that you are not the centre of attention any more, every time you look at the scars remind yourself what a wonderful man you are. take care
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you've finally done it! I really can't put into words how amazing i think you are. As a possible kidney recipient in the future it gives me great hope that there may be more people like you out there willing to be so selfless. People will learn from you and you will become their inspiration...i have no doubt. Big massive bear hugs for you (virtual ones wont hurt you!!) Thank you for being so awesome. I wish you a speedy recovery. Im looking forward to coming back from Australia to shake your hand :) or maybe plant a smacker on your face hahaha. Peace and Love xxxxxx
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