This is going to be a very short blog as I am enjoying spending time at home, I just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am well and doing fine, its lovely to be in my own bed, although I still have yet to get a good nights sleep.
Its dressing change day tomorrow I am dreading it, I have not told you before but I have a phobia of plasters on my skinm I actually faint when they are pulled off!!!
Chow for now
XX
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Blog Day 7, Monday 4th October 2010
No matter how hard I try to sleep I just can't, I dont know if it's due to being in a ward with 5 other men snoring and wandering about all night or that I am in a strange bed not to mention that it's a single one, the only conclusion I can come to is that it's due to me not being able to sleep on my back grrrrr.
Last night I had to ask the nurse for some pain relief at about 3am as the pain had become so bad, all I got was an extra tramadol!! where's my morphine haha, eventually I think I dosed off only to be woken by the nurses doing my stats at 6am, why oh why do they feel the need to do this so early, they put the lights on talk to you wake everyone up and then turn the lights out and say "you may as well get another couple of hours" leave us alone we are in hospital for a reason!!
As the day progressed I started to feel better in myself, not that at anytime I had felt unwell I just felt out of sorts with myself and after speaking with the transplant coordintor for a little while things seemed a whole lot better, she told me that the kidney had been placed in the recipient and that it was working well, obviously it was early days and anything could happen over the next few months but it was a good sign that the recipient was doing well and I was pleased to hear this.
Hopefully the recipient will want to know where the kidney had come from, I really do hope that they do, I would love to see how this had changed their life.
After speaking with the surgeon he said I could go home today, yayyy theres no better place than your own bed when you feel unwell or want to rest maybe now I can get some sleep.
I would just like to make a couple of mentions here for people who I have met or dealt with in hospital and the friends and family that have suported me through all of this.
Lee is a guy who was rushed into hospital with kidney and liver failure, this poor lad is only in his 20's and he has this to contend with for the rest of his life, whilst I was there he was having dialysys twice a day if your reading this Lee keep smiling and never give up.
George was another guy who was in hospital the same time as me, George had already had a transplant from someone who had died but in the process of having his kidney transplanted they didnt realise that there was a kidney stone buried deep into the tissue, George had spent the 6 weeks after his transplant in hospital having to have the kidney stone blasted without damaging the new kidney, he has yet to feel the benefit of having a new lease of life and a new kidney, the courage and his outlook on this was amazing, he said to me that he would rather have a kdney that is working albeit with a kidney stone than the problems he had before with no kidneys working, George was is a joker and he kept us all ammused whilst there, keep em all laughing George.
And to all the nurses that looked after us on the ward, Rochelle, Louisa, sister Helen and many others thanks for waking us up at all hours to test my blood pressure lol, in all seriousness you helped me get better, you encouraged me to move around and answered all my questions, without a doubt you really are the best.
Finaly to Nick, Dawn. Curtis and all my family and freinds, thank you all so uch for all the running around, the fetching and carrying and the late night text, without you I could not have managed a fraction of what I have been able to do, the person who my kidney has gone to not only has me to thank as you lot all had your part to play in allowing me to what I have done.
Right friends and followers I am getting all deep and emotional now and I am so looking forward to going to sleep in my own bed.
Goodnight
XX
Last night I had to ask the nurse for some pain relief at about 3am as the pain had become so bad, all I got was an extra tramadol!! where's my morphine haha, eventually I think I dosed off only to be woken by the nurses doing my stats at 6am, why oh why do they feel the need to do this so early, they put the lights on talk to you wake everyone up and then turn the lights out and say "you may as well get another couple of hours" leave us alone we are in hospital for a reason!!
As the day progressed I started to feel better in myself, not that at anytime I had felt unwell I just felt out of sorts with myself and after speaking with the transplant coordintor for a little while things seemed a whole lot better, she told me that the kidney had been placed in the recipient and that it was working well, obviously it was early days and anything could happen over the next few months but it was a good sign that the recipient was doing well and I was pleased to hear this.
Hopefully the recipient will want to know where the kidney had come from, I really do hope that they do, I would love to see how this had changed their life.
After speaking with the surgeon he said I could go home today, yayyy theres no better place than your own bed when you feel unwell or want to rest maybe now I can get some sleep.
I would just like to make a couple of mentions here for people who I have met or dealt with in hospital and the friends and family that have suported me through all of this.
Lee is a guy who was rushed into hospital with kidney and liver failure, this poor lad is only in his 20's and he has this to contend with for the rest of his life, whilst I was there he was having dialysys twice a day if your reading this Lee keep smiling and never give up.
George was another guy who was in hospital the same time as me, George had already had a transplant from someone who had died but in the process of having his kidney transplanted they didnt realise that there was a kidney stone buried deep into the tissue, George had spent the 6 weeks after his transplant in hospital having to have the kidney stone blasted without damaging the new kidney, he has yet to feel the benefit of having a new lease of life and a new kidney, the courage and his outlook on this was amazing, he said to me that he would rather have a kdney that is working albeit with a kidney stone than the problems he had before with no kidneys working, George was is a joker and he kept us all ammused whilst there, keep em all laughing George.
And to all the nurses that looked after us on the ward, Rochelle, Louisa, sister Helen and many others thanks for waking us up at all hours to test my blood pressure lol, in all seriousness you helped me get better, you encouraged me to move around and answered all my questions, without a doubt you really are the best.
Finaly to Nick, Dawn. Curtis and all my family and freinds, thank you all so uch for all the running around, the fetching and carrying and the late night text, without you I could not have managed a fraction of what I have been able to do, the person who my kidney has gone to not only has me to thank as you lot all had your part to play in allowing me to what I have done.
Right friends and followers I am getting all deep and emotional now and I am so looking forward to going to sleep in my own bed.
Goodnight
XX
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
blog day 6 Sunday 3rd October
It has been a strange few days, after so many months of waiting for all of this to happen and its over, for me its over with anyway and i will recover in a few weeks, for the recipient it's just the beginning, anti rejection drugs as well as all the other medication and tests that they will need to help monitor the progress of the new kidney.
I must admit it has left me feeling kind of weird, I cant really put it into words without it making me sound like I was an attention seeking freak but no one is interested in me anymore, I know that the whole giving of a kidney was never about me and i know it sounds selfish but if I am being honest at this stage I feel like an incubator, i know that all of this was my choice and they did warn me during sessions with a councillor that this feeling could possibly happen but I really never thought it would have happened to me, it was a selfless act of kindness so why do i feel like this?
looking around the ward and seeing different race, colour and ages in the same ward makes me question what I have just posted, it also gives me the answers I have been looking for, I have done a good thing and it isn't about me, I have been looked after and the receipient is the main concern, I have changed the life of so many people in one single operation, not just the reeipients life but their family's life as well and the person who was next on the wating list as they have now moved up that was my goal and I acheived it.
I dont feel guilty for having the twang of neglect or being selfish and the need for attention as I feel that this is part of the process that is bringing an end to my journey.
All I have left to remind me of this act of kindness I have done is the 4 scars on my torso, something that I am going to be so proud to explain to people what they are and why I have them.
Until my next blog
Take care
xx
Here is a picture of my scars to date
the large scar on the left is where they brought the kidney out.
The 2 scars with the tape that is crossed is where they used the tools to enable keyhole surgery.
the hole at the bottom of the screen is where i had a drain (this was not a pretty site haha)
I must admit it has left me feeling kind of weird, I cant really put it into words without it making me sound like I was an attention seeking freak but no one is interested in me anymore, I know that the whole giving of a kidney was never about me and i know it sounds selfish but if I am being honest at this stage I feel like an incubator, i know that all of this was my choice and they did warn me during sessions with a councillor that this feeling could possibly happen but I really never thought it would have happened to me, it was a selfless act of kindness so why do i feel like this?
looking around the ward and seeing different race, colour and ages in the same ward makes me question what I have just posted, it also gives me the answers I have been looking for, I have done a good thing and it isn't about me, I have been looked after and the receipient is the main concern, I have changed the life of so many people in one single operation, not just the reeipients life but their family's life as well and the person who was next on the wating list as they have now moved up that was my goal and I acheived it.
I dont feel guilty for having the twang of neglect or being selfish and the need for attention as I feel that this is part of the process that is bringing an end to my journey.
All I have left to remind me of this act of kindness I have done is the 4 scars on my torso, something that I am going to be so proud to explain to people what they are and why I have them.
Until my next blog
Take care
xx
Here is a picture of my scars to date
The 2 scars with the tape that is crossed is where they used the tools to enable keyhole surgery.
the hole at the bottom of the screen is where i had a drain (this was not a pretty site haha)
Blog Day 5 Saturday 2nd October
WOW I have never felt so tired, if you are like me and have a certain comfy position that you like to sleep in then you will know where I'm coming from when I say sleeping on your back in a single bed is not the choice of a comfy sleeping position I would choose! But as I cannot or should I say dare not sleep on my side or on my tummy I have no option.
I don't know if its all in my head but I am sure I can feel an empty space where my kidney used to be, when I tilt to my side it feels "vacant"
Anyway the pain has increased because those evil evil nurses took away my much loved morphine, I didn't realise that the morphine was automatically fed continuously I thought it was only when I pressed the magic green button that was placed strategically by my thumb!! Hence why I was up and away with the fairies most of the time!! And it worked, but they did warn me that when the morphine wears off the pain most certainly is felt! Ya not fricking kidding....the pain is awful.
Well i have had my catheter removed and boy what an experience that was, what had they done to my willy? They've turned it into a mushroom my god I have a mushroom for a willy! Removing the catheter was not very comfortable at all I can only imagine that having red hot pokers shoved down your japs eye is the equivalent.
Mum, dad and brother in law Mark came to visit tonight I wish mum would get her ears repaired she's as deaf as a door post, hospitals like libraries are not places where one shouts out your personal problems (unless your like our Janet)
After the rels went home Helen the ward sister took out my drain fucking hell I was shitting bricks to say the least, inject me, draw on me and even give me acid peels but please do not remove earrings, plasters and drains, I FAINT lol
Well after such an eventful day I really do Hope I will get a good nights sleep.
P.S the nurses bed bath was kinda nice lol
I don't know if its all in my head but I am sure I can feel an empty space where my kidney used to be, when I tilt to my side it feels "vacant"
Anyway the pain has increased because those evil evil nurses took away my much loved morphine, I didn't realise that the morphine was automatically fed continuously I thought it was only when I pressed the magic green button that was placed strategically by my thumb!! Hence why I was up and away with the fairies most of the time!! And it worked, but they did warn me that when the morphine wears off the pain most certainly is felt! Ya not fricking kidding....the pain is awful.
Well i have had my catheter removed and boy what an experience that was, what had they done to my willy? They've turned it into a mushroom my god I have a mushroom for a willy! Removing the catheter was not very comfortable at all I can only imagine that having red hot pokers shoved down your japs eye is the equivalent.
Mum, dad and brother in law Mark came to visit tonight I wish mum would get her ears repaired she's as deaf as a door post, hospitals like libraries are not places where one shouts out your personal problems (unless your like our Janet)
After the rels went home Helen the ward sister took out my drain fucking hell I was shitting bricks to say the least, inject me, draw on me and even give me acid peels but please do not remove earrings, plasters and drains, I FAINT lol
Well after such an eventful day I really do Hope I will get a good nights sleep.
P.S the nurses bed bath was kinda nice lol
Blog day 4 night time Friday 1st October
All I remember about today is being collected from the ward and taken to the operating theatre, there I was met by "julie" who despite all her efforts to be as chirpy and cheerful as possible could not hide the fact that she had a very bad cold, as she was checking my details matched hers you couldn't help but wonder if she really should have been in work with such a cold and to be meeting people as they go into theatre, here I seemed to be waiting for ages before someone came for me.
Eventually I was wheeled into the operating room by a very nice man who chatted and put me at ease (apart from divuldging the fact that he used to work in Bradford at the scrap yard on Bowling back lane) nice dramatic change of career there then wasn't there!!
After trying for what seemed like ages to get a needle into my left hand they decided to give up and place one in ny right hand, I must say all the team were very nice and made you feel quite relaxed and at ease, for some reason the anaesthetic wasn't setting in so more was hastily added after telling me a few times I should be asleep by now, apparently I was given quite a large dosage that should have knocked me out straight away, maybe if they stopped talking to me and asking me questions then I would fall asleep, after all that's what I get told at home "shut up and you will go to sleep" logical, well it worked, next thing I knew I was being woken up in the recovery room, everything had gone well but boy was I tired and sore.
Dozing in and out of consciousness I was wheeled back to my bed where I stayed for the rest of the day and night only briefly Waking to see Curtis sat there wondering if I was going to talk or not, hahaha talk, I couldn't even stumble 2 words together I did manage to apologise enough times in between pressing for the morphine button, wow this shits good!!!
Eventually I dozed off again to find that morning had come around and it was that time again .....6am!!! Why do they need to do our blood pressure at that time of day? Most of us are dead and those that aren't have usually been wandering around the ward all night that their blood pressure is up anyway!!
Eventually I was wheeled into the operating room by a very nice man who chatted and put me at ease (apart from divuldging the fact that he used to work in Bradford at the scrap yard on Bowling back lane) nice dramatic change of career there then wasn't there!!
After trying for what seemed like ages to get a needle into my left hand they decided to give up and place one in ny right hand, I must say all the team were very nice and made you feel quite relaxed and at ease, for some reason the anaesthetic wasn't setting in so more was hastily added after telling me a few times I should be asleep by now, apparently I was given quite a large dosage that should have knocked me out straight away, maybe if they stopped talking to me and asking me questions then I would fall asleep, after all that's what I get told at home "shut up and you will go to sleep" logical, well it worked, next thing I knew I was being woken up in the recovery room, everything had gone well but boy was I tired and sore.
Dozing in and out of consciousness I was wheeled back to my bed where I stayed for the rest of the day and night only briefly Waking to see Curtis sat there wondering if I was going to talk or not, hahaha talk, I couldn't even stumble 2 words together I did manage to apologise enough times in between pressing for the morphine button, wow this shits good!!!
Eventually I dozed off again to find that morning had come around and it was that time again .....6am!!! Why do they need to do our blood pressure at that time of day? Most of us are dead and those that aren't have usually been wandering around the ward all night that their blood pressure is up anyway!!
Blog day 4 daytime Friday 1st October 2010
Well today is operation day, having had no sleep whatsoever last night I can't tell if I'm nervous, stressed or just simply tired.
Its now 7.50am on Friday 1st October and louisa (my nurse) has just brought me my theatre gown along with my disposable pants!! I look like a porn star for Tetley T bag adverts!
Anyway guys and gals, my chariot awaits.....hopefully I will see you all very soon x
Its now 7.50am on Friday 1st October and louisa (my nurse) has just brought me my theatre gown along with my disposable pants!! I look like a porn star for Tetley T bag adverts!
Anyway guys and gals, my chariot awaits.....hopefully I will see you all very soon x
Blog day 3 Evening
As I write this blog it is 12.30am on Friday 1st October, in 7 and a half hours I will be having my operation to remove my kidney and have it placed into an unknown recipient, I will be honest with you I can't sleep, not because of the worry or any fear but because they have placed me in a ward with 5 other men!!
Now I don't know these men but let me tell you I have never met such a bunch of misfits in my life, I'm not a nasty person but when I'm tired I can get pretty much fucked off very easily!!
Let me explain, opposite me is a youngish lad (I say youngish cos he looks so weird I could never guess his age) he is on dialysis, I know because he let everyone know he was going for it by shouting across the ward, he sounds like one of the chipmunks from the cartoons when he talks, and he eats Haribo sweets like they are going out of fashion, not a problem I hear you say? Well, he eats with his mouth open and the noises are unbelievable, I thought a dripping tap was annoying!!
Across the ward and to the left of chipmunk man is a big burly black man, who stares continuously at me, now I'm not paranoid but I feel a tad nervous that this guy is going to do something vicious to me in my sleep (I watch too many horror films lol) but I am going to sleep with 1 eye open, not only that but he feels the need to laugh out very loudly at the tv and slap his belly!! Wtf is that all about?? am i on the loony ward?
At the side of him is Mr sleepy who believe me would sleep through a hurricane and he's on no medication (I've asked) so nothing much I can say about him.
Opposite him on my side of the ward is Mr angry, he's not happy that the Dr has taken him off oxygen (god knows what we are breathing) but he caused a right fuss over it, seems to be breathing ok now I can hear him snoring!!
Then last but far from least, in the very next bed to me is Mr "I've had too much caffeine fidget pants!!" Up and down, up and down all fricking night, now he wants to count his money on the bedside table!! Go to f***ing sleep you nut job!! Now to be fare to the old gent I do think he has senile problems, either that or he has taken a liking to wandering to other peoples beds cos he forgets where his own is, the nurses keep bringing him back...why?????
Then there's me, laid here in calvin Klein pyjama bottoms and a vest, designer perfume and Dolly Parton on the ipod, all topped off with sexy black surgical stockings on, how cool do I feel haha.
All in all the nights going to be a long one, its seems at the minute that there's a farting competition going on, remind me again why I'm doing this?!?
This will be my last blog before I have the operation so Goodnight for now and please take all of the above in the humour that its meant.
Now I don't know these men but let me tell you I have never met such a bunch of misfits in my life, I'm not a nasty person but when I'm tired I can get pretty much fucked off very easily!!
Let me explain, opposite me is a youngish lad (I say youngish cos he looks so weird I could never guess his age) he is on dialysis, I know because he let everyone know he was going for it by shouting across the ward, he sounds like one of the chipmunks from the cartoons when he talks, and he eats Haribo sweets like they are going out of fashion, not a problem I hear you say? Well, he eats with his mouth open and the noises are unbelievable, I thought a dripping tap was annoying!!
Across the ward and to the left of chipmunk man is a big burly black man, who stares continuously at me, now I'm not paranoid but I feel a tad nervous that this guy is going to do something vicious to me in my sleep (I watch too many horror films lol) but I am going to sleep with 1 eye open, not only that but he feels the need to laugh out very loudly at the tv and slap his belly!! Wtf is that all about?? am i on the loony ward?
At the side of him is Mr sleepy who believe me would sleep through a hurricane and he's on no medication (I've asked) so nothing much I can say about him.
Opposite him on my side of the ward is Mr angry, he's not happy that the Dr has taken him off oxygen (god knows what we are breathing) but he caused a right fuss over it, seems to be breathing ok now I can hear him snoring!!
Then last but far from least, in the very next bed to me is Mr "I've had too much caffeine fidget pants!!" Up and down, up and down all fricking night, now he wants to count his money on the bedside table!! Go to f***ing sleep you nut job!! Now to be fare to the old gent I do think he has senile problems, either that or he has taken a liking to wandering to other peoples beds cos he forgets where his own is, the nurses keep bringing him back...why?????
Then there's me, laid here in calvin Klein pyjama bottoms and a vest, designer perfume and Dolly Parton on the ipod, all topped off with sexy black surgical stockings on, how cool do I feel haha.
All in all the nights going to be a long one, its seems at the minute that there's a farting competition going on, remind me again why I'm doing this?!?
This will be my last blog before I have the operation so Goodnight for now and please take all of the above in the humour that its meant.
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